Radio Silence...

As the snow quietly falls outside my window right now and my mind hums with all of the things that could stand in between me and my much-anticipated two week vacation in Milan, Italy, I found myself with extra time wondering what to do with it. I can't control the snow, nor can I control the potential delays or mishaps. Being a Type-A makes "letting go" (no Frozen pun intended here...) a bit tough. So, alas, I turned to my blog.

Recently, my husband asked when my last blog post was and I couldn't even remember. I told him, "I don't really have anything to write about" as we crossed the US 2 Trestle and discussed the aggravation of driving ANYWHERE in current times (seriously - when did everyone forget the rules of the road?) He said "You don't have to write something long or poignant, just write." He also said "you could write about how terrible people are at driving...but I digress. I think this year, I used a lot of my social media platform to have big thoughts, scrunched into TL:DR posts. They sparked discussions but there's nothing like sitting down to the keyboard and writing a STORY of thoughts. I like writing my story. So, after much ghosting this year, here I go again!

This has been a really tough year in many ways. I've shared some of it socially and some has stayed private. But I think, as it comes to a close, many of us are still reeling from Covid19. Those of us that plugged through and did what needed to be done to keep our heads above water (just keep swimming!) finally got a bit of a breather this year and the end result was a blackened grilled cheese sammie (and I don't mean blackened in the chef's kiss kind of way." Bits of sanity oozed out the sides only to be burned and charred. Rough edges led to ooey goey meltdowns. It's me, Hi, I'm the problem, it's me.

This year, for me, was a lot of letting go. Letting go of past relationships that didn't fit with the me I wanted to be. Letting go of fear - specifically when it came to doing BIG adventure things like being in the water. There was also a lot of letting go of things that didn't have to be perfect. A quote that has stuck with me through the years from a great mentor read "93% is still an A." Isn't that the truth? And, chances are -for those of us who are perfectionist types - nobody's gonna know about the 7% that didn't happen or that fell apart right before the show started.

I also chose to work in the realm of HELL YES and NO. Many of my decisions came from these two filters. If I wasn't really excited about doing it, the answer was NO. If putting myself in a situation or around a group of people caused anxiety or stress (not the good, exciting kind) I also said NO. I stood up for myself in many situations and also learned how to take up my space. Love me or leave me, this is who I am.

As for the YES filter, well, it was a bit more fun all around. I carved out time when an impromptu opportunity came up to spend some time on the ocean or a nearby lake. I said YES to swimsuits and laughter and friends. I said yes - A LOT - to kayaking unknown waters and was rewarded with some of the most amazing moments in nature that I've ever had. I said YES to a free ticket to Italy, then convinced my favorite cousin (basically my brother from another mother) that he should also say YES (T-minus 36 hours!) In the coming year, I'm saying YES to finally looking at this business from a high level view - and gently accepting that maybe there is growth and opportunity in what I do and who I am. That meant also saying YES to a business coach to help guide me, which leads me to...

I think, most importantly, I said YES to getting some help along the way. This year, I accepted that I couldn't do it all on my own and enlisted the assistance needed to avoid the crunchy, burnt, soggy sammie aforementioned above. And you know what? I'm here, still standing, feeling a bit more balanced than I have in a long time of being a solopreneur.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that getting to YES took some serious work - and that work was hard - it was emotional and trying. Thankfully, early on in my year I had the opportunity to join the Purple Ladies for a meetup in Sedona, Arizona. I had zero idea what I was in for other than 9 amazing women were converging on an AirBnB to "do some work." These women have stuck together for 30+ years and have inducted me into their circle through Covid19. Upon arriving, I was very much impressed upon about the self work to come and the tears that would ensue. There were margaritas and wine too. Dancing, yoga and sparkle tops. There were tarot cards and inspiration and really, really, hard stories. There were disagreements and solutions. What I noticed most though, is that there were struggles, for everyone. Deep, heart-aching stuff that was plaguing every single one of us there. So we dug in, and we did the work. I can truly say now that saying YES to this retreat was the turning point for so much of my YES the remainder of the year. Those 8 days sent me into myself to reevaluate the things most important to me in this life and also to change my thinking on a few key plotlines.

As I begin to conclude this get-out-of-ghosting the three people that might read this "blog about nothing" post, I'm going to remind you all that everyone is going through a journey that you know nothing about. This applies to a lot of aspects in our lives, but during the holiday season it seems that the extremes come out even more. You never know who is struggling, who is dying inside, or who is one of the hap-hap-happiest asshole this side of Griswold lane. Be kind and be nice, but be willing to take up your space. Be a YES for someone who may need you. Be ok with saying NO to the things that do not serve you. Be ok with saying NO to overdoing it, rushing it, and "plowing through" just to have another notch on your belt (read: another insta-worthy post in the highlight reel)

Most of all, say YES to the possibility of what could be.